sigh.. it took me such a long time until i finally realised in a more tangible sense that the solution to my inadequacies in school is to turn to You Lord.. and to hope in You.. i have always known it cognitively, but it took a more applicable turn this time round.. i know that my hope does not rest in what i can do to change/ improve...
but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.. they will run and not grow weary.. they will walk and not be faint..
oh how true!! thank You Lord for causing me such emotional turmoil yesterday after the sec 3NA compared me with their previous teacher coupled with problems with my form class and the expectations of the graduating a math class.. oh gosh.. i actually teared and then cried in front of 3 students late in the evening..and i couldn't exactly pinpoint the reason why i couldn't stop tearing! just felt a sense of being overwhelmed with deadlines and expectations... feeling frustrated with my inefficiency, ineffectiveness, my lack of firmness and discipline too..
but Lord.. i know this is Your amazing way of finally making me realise
Your strength is perfect when my strength is gone... You'll carry us when we can't carry on.. dressed in Your power the weak become strong... Your strength is perfect.. Your strength is perfect...
then today i know You are telling me i need to rest in You, i need to turn to You.. i need to ask You for Your opinion on what i do in class/ how i react to students every second of the day - to be so in tuned with Your spirit Lord.. oh God will You help me get there? so hence the question.. how have i not pleased You Lord with all that has happened today?
with regards to turning j away because of punishment - was that a worldly reaction? what is the godly way to react Lord? please tell me.. yet i don't want him to be too dependent on me for after class 'tuition'.. oh Lord.. even more so when he's a male and i'm a female.. Lord please protect.. but what comes back to me is that
You do not treat us as our iniquities deserve
so does that mean i extend help to j despite having punished him for not doing his work? Your guidance and wisdom Lord is what i need... Your constant presence and guidance is all i need...
don't leave me Lord.. thank You.. will You walk with me every step of the way in class? guide me in every speech i have.. teach me in every lesson i deliver.. strengthen me in every work i immerse in?
:: i can do all things through Him who gives me strength
:: but sometimes i wonder what He can do through me
:: no great success to show, no power of my own
:: .... (oops forgot the lyrics)... prove again
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