this will be a special year.. 3 weeks into the year (besides feeling tired after a busy start at work), i have had so many signs that you want to show me more of what it means to love and to be loved.
i thank You for the book "beloved" that d gave me as a christmas present. how pleasantly surprised i was that at the heart of the book is the story of five loaves, of Jesus taking the bread, blessing the bread, breaking and bread and giving the bread.. thank You for making the story come alive to me again, as it did back in love japan 2000. but this time round, you are teaching me more of what it means to have a deep sense of being a beloved of Yours, and how in Your hands, to be taken by You is to know that i am a chosen child of Yours.. i have always known that in my mind.. but i believe you are making it come alive in my heart..
thank You for also causing me to buy the book "captivating" for hm's bday but in the end keeping it after dropping and dirtying it.. how it is so meant for me!! to know You as my lover and the one who can ultimately fulfill me.. Lord i know that is the key to being at rest and not seeking fulfillment in my sinful desires, and in longings for a man to complete me.
there seems also to be indications of more action in my love life.. but as of now, no interest or chemistry with any of those i sense may be trying to get to know me better. oh Lord, may my eyes and heart be fixed on you first.. to know deep in my heart that i am lovely in Your eyes and need not strive to prove my loveliness to anyone, but yet knowing that some man will indeed find me captivating and lovely in the end.. to not fear being vulnerable or rejected, but to be confident of the loveliness you have put in me as an image of You..
this will be a special year.. keep me close to You Lord, as Your beloved..
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