Quoting from 4 chapters in Nouwen's book to frame my thoughts:
From Sorrow to Joy
"Community and solidarity are at the heart of the movement from sorrow to joy. When you begin to feel the pain of your life in relation to other people's pain, you can face it together. This is where the word compassion comes from (to suffer with); that's where the word patience comes from (to suffer). To be patient is to experience the pain of your life. And when you experience it with somebody else, you can be compassionate. This is how the healing begins. Not by wonderful answers, not by 'do this or do that'. It starts by experiencing the powerlessness of not-knowing-what-to-do together." (p. 45)
"There is the broken soil of your soul where the seeds of grace can grow in you. The Spirit of God within us says: 'There is a time to mourn and a time to dance.' The Spirit of healing that makes us mourn is the same Spirit that makes us dance. The mystery of the dance is that its movements are discovered in the mourning." (p.54)
This aspect of journeying and walking together with those who are broken has been close to my heart, even as I myself am aware of my brokenness. And there's the discomfort of patiently living in that liminal space, holding tension between staying in our brokenness without immediate relief (or sometimes some experiences of breakthrough and shalom) yet anticipating Christ's redemption. Nouwen also talks about that dialectical relationship between sorrow and joy, one leading to the other in a fluid manner - that healing comes as we mourn. For me, it's particularly pertinent as I have friends with mental health challenges (depression, schizophrenia) and I have been getting to know those who are homeless who also usually have mental health challenges that compound their difficulties.
Conversations in the past 2 weeks have further emphasized this aspect of mental health challenges as something characteristic of vulnerable groups of people in Vancouver. I had a talk with Donna about Marnie, and following that a talk with one of the Jacob's Well full-time staff to understand the unique challenges of those who are used to living on the streets; I also had a conversation with home group members about the prevalence of suicide attempts and completed ones on UBC campus (people I've talked to have commented that Vancouver seems like a more isolated place compared to other parts of Canada and it might be to do with the transient nature of student life/ profile of migrant families that are not as cohesive or collective as a community in both UBC and Vancouver as a city), and attended the mental health workshop with Donna where I was reminded that those recovering from depression, in addition to taking medication, need people to walk with them, rather than give them pat answers as to how to deal with their pain. In short, what stands out for me, at least personally, if not for the church, is to learn to walk alongside fellow travelers who are in all sorts of emotional pain, to be sorrowful yet always rejoicing, and find that sensitivity of the Spirit to know when it's timely to speak healing and claim victory, and when it is timely to just be a companion on the road until healing breaks forth.
From Resentment to Gratitude
"Resentment is cold, agonizing anger. When hot anger grows cold it hardens your heart and wreaks havoc in your life. Resentment makes you suspicious, cynical, and depressed." (p. 59). "Resentment is the curse of the faithful, the virtuous, the obedient, and the hardworking. Ministers who have a great desire to be close to God and serve the people, and those who work in the helping professions, are particularly prone to resentment. They often feel taken advantage of, which can lead to resentment. Religious and social institutions that seek to support ministers and others in the helping professions often serve as breeding grounds for resentment. That is why resentment has been called the most destructive passion in the Christian church." (p. 60)
"...what I have to offer to others is not my intelligence, skill, power, influence, or connections, but my own human brokenness, through which the love of God can manifest itself...The great paradox of ministry is that when we minister in our weakness, we receive from those to whom we go... My ministry to her was to allow her to show me the Lord in her own gentle manner, and gratefully to acknowledge what I was receiving... It is hard for me to accept that the best I can do is probably not give but receive. But my receiving in a true and open way, those who give to me can become aware of their own gifts. After all, we come to recognize our own gifts in the eyes of those who receive them gratefully. Gratitude thus becomes the central virtue of a Christian. The Greek word charis means "gift" or "grace". And what else is the Eucharistic life but a life of gratitude?" (p. 63-64)
"Whereas the Church, as an institution, is often a breeding place for resentment, authentic Christian community occurs where there is fertile ground for gratitude to grow, for gifts to be received, and for blessings to be shared... Authentic Christian community nurtures the spirit of gratitude and service in the spiritual life. It does so by inviting us to give constant attention to the condition of our hearts, where we listen to the voice of God and respond with thanksgiving. It calls for an ongoing willingness to remove our defensive armor and create inner space where the Spirit of God can live. It requires courage to scrutinize our compulsive selves and to open our hearts to new ways of being. It forms us into receivers instead of takers, and helps us see the pain and suffering of the world not as disturbing interruptions, but as invitations for a change of heart." (p. 65)
This description really embodies the reciprocity in friendships and authentic Christian community - the aspect of recognizing our own need for healing and receiving, instead of working with a sense of entitlement/ hardened heart like the older son in the parable of the prodigal son, or the early workers in the vineyard. Serving is great, but I pray that we will always do so out of a heart of gratitude to the work of Christ's redeeming love in our lives - I would rather not see people pushed to serve to "meet the needs of the church", if they have not been personally discovering for themselves God's call. And in the life of the church, that there is an authenticity of being able to be vulnerable and to receive from others, and so affirming the giftings of those who serve us, but to do so in a spirit that receives a gift in gratitude, and not taking for granted that the church revolves around our needs.
The mental health workshop reminded me that sometimes depression is really one of the invisible mental health challenges in the church - not as evident as other struggles that someone who appears to be homeless. There's even more pressure to keep up appearances for those who are serving in high profile ways in the church. I'm grateful for the emphasis on relationships and encouraging people to join home groups to participate in community, and I pray we grow as a welcoming place where each person knows that we don't need to put up a front, but we are all broken people in need of God's grace and mutual support, and to keep a daily examen of our hearts that when it begins to harden with cynicism or hurts, not to ignore the early signs but to always cry out to God for a new heart that is soft and responsive to His leading.
From Fear to Love
"When fear pervades our lives, we are living in the house of fear, and from there we look out on the world. What we see from that perch of fear is alienation and scarcity." (p. 75)
"Jesus, in whom the fullness of God dwells, has become our home. By making his home in us he allows us to make our home in him. By entering into the intimacy of our innermost self he offers us the opportunity to enter into his own intimacy with God. By choosing us as his preferred dwelling place he invites us to choose him as our preferred dwelling place" (p. 77) One way to pray in a fear-filled world is to choose love over anxiety, to open the door of the heart to dwell in the intimate presence of the One who loves us... 'There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear' (I John 4:18)" (p.79)
"The challenge is to let go of fear and claim the deeper truth of who I am. When you forget your true identity as a beloved child of God, you lose your way in life... yes it is possible not to belong to the dark powers, not to build our dwelling place among them, but to choose the house of love as our true home. The choice is made not just once and for all but by intentionally living a spiritual life - praying at all times, practicing lectio divinia, and breathing God's breath each moment. These spiritual practices and other disciplines remind us that we are the Beloved. The classical disciplines are hospitality, spiritual friendship, contemplative prayer, community forgiveness, and the celebration of life. Through regular spiritual practice we gradually move from the house of fear to the house of love." (p. 81)
This theme of being secure as God's beloved, of learning to gaze at Him daily without idols of distraction, and experiencing the intimacy with Christ as Christ is intimately connected to the Father has been with me for some time. But through this month's experiences, and the reading from Nouwen's book, I see how this is very foundational for church life together, not just a personal experience. The exhortations that have been made for the congregation to be generous, not to fear, but to trust that God is always for us and not against us go to the root of whether we all have that deep sense of security as God's children, and perhaps the spiritual practices of community that Nouwen speaks (hospitality, spiritual friendship, contemplative prayer, community forgiveness, and celebration of life) may be means of grace for God to deepen that collective identity as His children - a collective seeking, concurrently with our personal devotional seeking after the Lord. I find that what Jacob's Well is doing is along this lines of authentic community life, and it resonates a lot with me.
From Exclusion to Inclusion
"The movement from exclusive to inclusive community calls for radical hospitality, spiritual intimacy, and open Communion in the Body of Christ" (p. 90) Most of us would prefer to make distinctions between those in need and those with the power to meet human needs... real hospitality is not exclusive, but inclusive, requires a radical openness, and creates space for a wide range of human experience. Real ministers are powerless servants who offer the gifts of availability and hospitality. Real ministry is a 'suffering with' another in a community of equals in the solidarity of powerlessness." (p. 91)
" In my earlier life, community meant a safe and familiar place of belonging, where those not like me simply were not present... when I arrived at L'Arche, bang, bang, bang, my whole worldview crumbled. It is a frightening thing when boundaries are pushed out and walls break down. How could the nonbeliever be more believing than the believer, the outsider wiser than the insider? How could those without resources have something valuable to share? Slowly I came to realize that the differences between Catholic and Protestant, Christian and Buddhists, religious and secular were not the kind of differences I thought they were; that there was a deeper unity below the surface of distinction. Over time I reconstructed my worldview in light of my new vision of community as a place of forgiveness and celebration, where we are more similar than different.. no longer did I have to compare myself with others by carving out a little niche and distinguishing myself. I finally understood that the great spiritual call is not to be different from the other, but to be of the same substance and being as another, to be at one with others. Rather than wandering off to the periphery of life, where I might discover some small difference, I am called to go to the center, where I realize my solidarity with all human beings." (p. 92-93)
"To listen carefully to the voice of the One who calls us the 'beloved' is to learn that the voice excludes no one...Authentic community, like solitary prayer, is primarily a quality of the heart. Community can be lived well only if it comes out of communion with God... Intimacy with God and solidarity with all people are two aspects of the indwelling presence of God. These two realities can never be separated. They come together in the physical place called the human body and are realized in community - the Body of Christ, celebrated in the Eucharist. Therefore, we can draw the circle wide." (p. 98-99)
"Communion with God, community with others and ministry together can be envisioned as component parts of a wheel... as described by Nouwen in Here and Now: ...'These wheels help me understand the importance of life lived from the center. When I move along the rim, I can reach one spoke after another, but when I stay at the hub, I am in touch with all the spokes at once.' (p. 100) In the middle is the hub - the heart of God and the place of prayer. To pray is to move to the center of all life and all love... It's precisely in the hub, in that communion with God that we discover the call to community... the closer I come to God, the closer I come to all my brothers and sisters in the human family." (p. 102)
One of the things I had been excited about for the coming together of UTown and Point Grey, and subsequently moving to a visible place at the Hollywood along Broadway is the increased diversity of people that I come into contact with. I guess it's more my personal call to connect with people who tend to be ignored or friendless in social settings, but each of us has different circles of people that we gravitate toward, and collectively as a church we might be able to "draw the circle wide" as God individually breaks down our own barriers and walls we may have built up to keep people who are different away from us. I'm not suggesting that we begin a ministry for the homeless, or a ministry for those who are struggling with mental health challenges, but I believe there is a place for friendship to grow in our individual capacities, and perhaps some time down the road, there could be resources pulled together and more structures put in place to support a bigger outreach. But for now, I would like to see that each of us examines our own friendship circles and ask the Lord to show us if we have been excluding people based on our prejudices/ comfort zone. Ultimately, I think it comes down to connecting with the heart of God and dwelling in His love, to help us open our eyes to people around us (not just those who may 'obviously' seem to need of help, but especially those who are struggling behind masks of 'doing ok'), and for us to also be vulnerable to receive help from those around us.
So in sum, I think there are the following main themes that Nouwen highlights and I really resonate with for myself and the church:
1) Communion with God: Intimacy with Christ and beloved child of God as our core identity
2) Community with others:Solidarity (walking with others) and reciprocity (giving and receiving) in relationships
3) Ministry together: Shared spiritual practices of hospitality, spiritual friendship, contemplative prayer, community forgiveness, celebration of life
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